Tag: emotion

Engaging in Negative Thinking?

Engaging in Negative Thinking?

Are you ever in the midst of an argument and wonder why you are even arguing? Is the argument even logical?

While there are some disagreements that deserve healthy debates, there are many others we encounter that are truly unacceptable. These arguments end in one, or both parties, being demoralized, hurt, or lied to. Some even end in physical violence.

How does Negative Thinking Affect Arguments?

Negative People are all around us, in fact, there are days even the most positive people become negative.

 

Scenario

Positive Person: Hi, Those boxes really look heavy and it’s icy out. Do you need some help carrying them?

Negative Person: What?? I’m fine!!

Positive Person: Ok, just checking. I didn’t want you to fall.

Negative Person: Do I look weak or something? I’m a lot stronger than you. I think I’ll be just fine. Mind your own business.

If the above scenario plays out between members of an unhealthy marriage something this simple can end in a drawn out, very verbal, and possible physical fight.

Negative thinking causes a person to feel attacked right away. The positive person sees nothing wrong with what they are asking and in no way thinks the other person is weak. They truly want to help because they know they personally would have wanted help if they were in that same situation. This is very important to understand, “they personally would have wanted help if they were in that same situation”.

This negative thinking can come from many places. Low self esteem, a recent loss in the family, a recent accident, etc. In that moment, if a person feels bad about themselves they easily misconstrue what others are saying to them.

Why are you truly arguing about? Is it reasonable?

Make sure you are not the negative person. If you feel frustration from someone asking a question step back and think. Is there a positive side to what they are asking? What are you feeling? Where are those feelings coming from?

If you regularly find yourself in these types of arguments understand that your reaction may be the cause. You are not a bad person, we all do it from time to time. Get help for what is causing you to feel so negative. Negative thinking is very unhealthy, both physically and mentality. It gets in the way of your life!

Are you encountering a negative thinking person? If so, understand where the feelings may be coming from and back off from the conversation. Don’t pursue it. You may have felt hurt by the response, but don’t fight back. Understand where the response came from and do not take it personally. Comments in these arguments are not often meant. It’s not easy to let it go, but it’s a lot easier than escalating the fight until it’s even more out of control.

You will find the world around you becomes more positive as you heal from the negative thoughts.

 

How Do You remove negative thoughts from your mind?

Stop Unhealthy Arguments. Pick your battles.

Peace!

“Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.” Albert Schweitzer

“Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him.” Albert Schweitzer

What Motivates You To Be A Volunteer?

There are so many awesome and rewarding places to volunteer!! There are opportunities that take just a few hours while others offer valuable training that can last a lifetime.

One of the places I loved volunteering was a hospice. Individuals in hospice are expected to live less than 6 months. Some are young, some are old. At first it sounded like a terribly depressing place to volunteer, I only chose it because of a college project I was working on.

Once my project was done I didn’t want to leave so I continued for a couple more years!

The hospice provided us lists of individuals to choose from so we could be matched with people we had something in common with or with someone who really touched our hearts.

One of the women was especially memorable for me. She was so frail, simply skin and bones. She could no longer walk and completely depended on a wheelchair and assistance from the nurses. The site of her frail body is forever etched in my mind.

During my first few visits with her she was extremely mean. I already knew all of her children had abandoned her and she was no longer married. I also knew she never had visitors and that is why I chose her, but wow was I ready to be another one in her life that left!!

BUT, then I thought deeply on why I chose her. I couldn’t imagine being in her place! So weak, so lonely, so scared. Only odd memories fleeting through her head, ones that made little sense, some that shed light on how hard her life was.

So I stayed and found that meeting her during dinner was much more enjoyable. I could focus on helping her eat instead of being at her bedside trying desperately to find something to talk about.

At dinner I went along with her conversations, even though they made little sense. I started to see a little light in her eyes. She loved that someone took the time to listen to her. That positive feeling hit strongly for both of us. I no longer dreaded the days I had to meet her, I looked forward to them. I felt a loss when our meetings came to an end, but I was so glad to have provided her some much needed friendship. RIP.

Volunteering can be very rewarding and there are so many people that really need a little extra hand.

Peace!

5 Ways to Relieve Panic

5 Ways to Relieve Panic

Do you wake up in the middle of the night with your heart pounding, do you have problems falling asleep? Does your brain feel jumbled and your stomach nauseous?

Have you ever tried to pin down what is causing the panic and can’t figure out what’s causing it? You are not alone!

Here are 5 ways to help rid yourself of Panic:

1 – Allow People to Help You. Let others into your life. Working on tasks together can lessen stress, allow the job to be done quicker, and even create a atmosphere of fun instead of stress! For all you party givers… spread the tasks. Ask your friends to help bring food, provide entertainment, even hire a house cleaner.

Don’t take all the stress on yourself.

2- Hug! Hug your friend, an acquaintance, your family member, your dog, or even a teddy bear! Hugs are awesome stress relievers!

An article in Psychological Science (referenced below), states “Our findings show that even touching an inanimate object — such as a teddy bear — can soothe existential fears,” notes Koole. “Interpersonal touch is such a powerful mechanism that even objects that simulate touch by another person may help to instill in people a sense of existential significance.”

Oxytocin is released during hugs. Oxytocin provides an anti-anxiety effect. It can help provide feelings of relaxation and trust. See the below referenced article from Medical News Today.

3- Listen to Uplifting Music. Find a place of your own, take deep breaths, and immerse yourself into the music.

4- Think positively. Your prospective on the world around you really matters. Two difference people can see the exact same situation in completely different manners. Remember this, and think to yourself, how can I see this situation in a Positive light? It can definitely take some practice.

Before you go to bed write down at least 5 positive things that happened during the day. At first you may be pressed to list basic needs such as I had a filling lunch today, my bed is warm. Continue to practice and you will see your list grow. Was the sun out, did you give someone a hug , did you read an inspiring story? You will find you have more positivity around you than you originally thought.

5- Practice One Mindfulness. It’s easy, can be done most anywhere, and can take just a few minutes if you are short on time.

What ways do you relieve panic in your life?

 

Koole, S.L., Sin, M.T.A., & Schneider, I.K. (2013). Embodied Terror Management. Psychological Science, A Journal of the Association for Psychological Science.

(2015). Oxytocin. What Is It? What Does It Do? Medical News Today.

 

10 Ways to Minimize Road Rage

10 Ways to Minimize Road Rage

Have you ever been involved in ROAD RAGE??

Road Rage Can Be Prevented

The NHTSA references a study showing 94% of car crashes are assigned to the driver. 41% of those due to recognition errors (inattention, distractions…), 33% to decision errors (driving too fast, illegal maneuvers…), and 11% to performance errors (over compensation…).

Engaging in road rage can kill you or your loved ones.

Winter roads, the stress of traveling to multiple holiday events, running late to work, road construction, children screaming, mental illness, a bad day at work all can equal Road Rage.

It’s easy for anyone to become stressed while driving. Even the calmer people of society can become aggravated while driving at some point.

Road rage is never acceptable, although way too common!

 

10 WAYS TO RELIEVE STRESS WHILE DRIVING

1-Give yourself plenty of time to arrive at your designation. That extra 15 minutes can greatly decrease your stress level.

2-Breathe. Don’t hold your breathe when driving becomes stressful. It sounds crazy, but when we are fearful we tend to hold our breath and tense our bodies. Not a good idea when driving! Deep breathes help you relax and are very easy to do while driving. Breathing also helps you focus on something positive.

3-Don’t fight with your spouse or children while driving. If an issue arises pull over and finish the discussion off the road!

4-Obvoiusly do not use your cell phone or eat while driving. You may think you are paying attention to the road, but your reaction time is lessened due to these extra activities. You are much more likely to be in an accident or cause road rage from the drivers around you.

5-Do not drive when you are tired. If you even start to become tired pull over and get out of your car. Take a quick walk, go into a near by store. Revive yourself. It only takes a few minutes but can save a life.

6-Do not engage with aggressive drivers. It’s not worth it! Even if they pulled in front of you or gave you a gesture, just ignore them. Keep a good distance in between you and them and do not antagonize the situation. Their negativity is not to be taken against you personally they are the ones out of control. If you antagonize someone already out of control you will never fix the situation. You will make it worse.

7-Remember people make mistakes. Just because someone tried to switch lanes and was too close to you, it doesn’t mean they did it on purpose. They may have just made a mistake. Forgive them and let it go. You make mistakes also.

8- Listen to the Radio. Focus on the music or words coming over the radio. Try listening to a book or podcast, this can help long drives seem more productive. Remember to also keep an eye on the road!

9-Never be under the influence of drugs or alcohol while driving. Being impaired decreases your attention to the road and the drivers around you. Have a friend drive you home, take a taxi, get a hotel.

10-Never be an aggressive driver. Cutting people off and slamming on your breaks will never get your point across and those actions may just cost a life.

 

How do you keep your cool while driving?

Peace be with you on the road!

 

Study Reference: US Department of Transportation Traffic Safety Facts, Crash Stats. Feb 2015

Patterns                       #health #emotions

Patterns #health #emotions

“Pay attention to the intricate patterns of your existence that you take for granted.”
Doug Dillon

Do you find yourself following the same patterns over and over again?  We find comfort in patterns, good patterns and bad patterns.

Patterns can be anything from smoking, drinking, attracting negative friends, and arguing to eating healthy and exercising.

Good patterns are great, but what about negative patterns?

Look closely at negative experiences in your life.  Do you see a particular pattern you take each time you get into a negative situation?

Our actions often have an effect on the reactions we get from situations.

For example, do you always find yourself arguing with every store clerk when you walk into a store… take a close look at yourself.  How do you feel when you walk into the store?  If you always feel angry as you walk into the store, there is a good chance others around you are picking up this emotion.  Your angry emotion transfer to others around you and a conflict opens.

You are not a bad person and you are not alone! Patterns are learned.  Someone may have been angry at you once inside that store.  Now each time you enter the store, you put up your guard, ready for a fight.  But… most likely the initial conflict was a one time situation.  So drop your guard, smile to yourself, take a few deep breathes and try walking into the store with your head held high and your emotions at peace.  See how differently people react to you.  It’s hard at first and will take time.  That is ok. You are worth the effort it takes.

Each situation is different, but it’s important to understand negative patterns can be broken.  Start by identifying a negative situation in your life and look for a pattern that is involved each time. Where did this pattern start from? How can you remove this pattern? You may need help from a close friend or therapist to see patterns. Be open to change.

You are important. Your emotional and physical health is important. You are worth it.

Increase Your Willpower! #willpower

Increase Your Willpower! #willpower

Do you lack willpower? Ever wonder why some people seem to have so much more willpower than others?

Let’s start with the continued debate:

-Can willpower be depleted as it’s used, like a muscle? Can glucose intake increase willpower as it begins to deplete?

-Or is willpower self generated, hinging on your beliefs?

The concept that willpower can be depleted greatly concerned me and drew my attention to the subject.

If willpower can be depleted what happens to the poverty stricken person that has to use willpower throughout each day just to fight through hunger, to push on until a safe place is found for the night? How will this person continue the fight with such a high level of daily willpower depletion? Some individuals do however fight through this, How?

Are there other factors in willpower? You finally have enough willpower to push yourself outside to exercise. You return home to indulge in your favorite cheesecake? Why?? Was your willpower depleted during your push to exercise or did you simply feel you worked off enough calories to “deserve” the cheesecake. Many of us realize the workout did not truly offset the cheesecake input, but we still do it. Then we often feel horrible about it afterwards. Where was our self control??

If willpower is not depleted due to use, is it due to a lack of self worth? Do people believe willpower cannot be self generated? For example, I exercised, but I know I will not keep up with it, so who cares I’m eating my favorite cheesecake! I have no energy left to believe otherwise. What if this person trained themselves to believe willpower can be self generated? Would they have more power to overcome the cheesecake craving?

Thoughts??

willpower 2

Both sides of the debate agree that achieving better self control can help you to achieve more success in life, more peace, and better health.

So, How can Willpower be Increased?

1- Incentives definitely play a role in many cases of willpower. You may not be able to will your empty glass to become full of water, but you may be able to push through a race if someone promised you money for simply finishing it.  Pick a small reward for yourself each time you show willpower.

2- Willpower is a positive attribute. Some people describe willpower/self-control as constricting. Allowing binge drinking may feel rewarding at the time, but keep in mind the following day will be restricted due to your physical and mental health, and could possibly keep you in bed all day! By having the willpower not to binge drink you kept yourself from constricting your health and well-being the entire next day.

3- Being told to do something can lower some individual’s willpower. This is one reason some people may be seen to have better willpower than others. Some of us like to follow rules and others of us feel trapped by rules. So think of having the willpower to do these positive things for yourself, not necessary for others.

4-Use One Mindfulness to focus your willpower on one task at a time. This focus can help distract you from the negative powers outside your current task.

5-Use meditation and breathing exercises to increase willpower.

6-Take small steps to increase your willpower. Use willpower to complete a task. Prove to yourself it was possible and feel the empowerment, then move to the next task.

7- Keep temptations far away. It’s easier to deny the temptation the further you are from it. So if you have a deep love for potato chips, keep them out of your house. Having to drive to the store can often times stray you from the temptation. Plus you will not have to watch others in your household eat them in front of you.

8- Practice resisting your negative temptations. Many theorize that you can build the portion of your brain that supplies willpower by resisting temptations. The more you resist, the stronger your willpower will become. Exercise your willpower.

9- I would say, at this point, don’t run to sugar to increase your willpower. We already have a society facing high levels of obesity and diabetes.

10- Don’t give up.  If you succumb to low willpower, pick yourself up and try it again.  You are worth it!

How have you increased your willpower?

Reference Professor Roy Baumeister for information with regard to willpower depletion.

Reference V, Job, Walton, G., Bernecker, K., and Dweck, C.S., “Beliefs about Willpower determine the impact of glucose on self-control”.

Relieve Stress             #stress

Relieve Stress #stress

Grab a paintbrush, some paints, and a canvas from your local art or hobby store and paint!

Painting is a great way to reduce stress.  Turn on your favorite music and start painting.  Use colors and patterns that reflect how you feel.  Your painting may be cheery and bright or more dark and reflective.

Painting is a great distraction to the current stress in your life.

You don’t have to be an artist!  Relax and let the ideas flow.

You can even re-use your canvas.  Next time you get the feeling to paint, paint right over your previous work … if you desire 😀

If you would like a little more direction look for a local “wine and paint” studio.  You can take several of your friends to the studio, have a glass of wine, and an instructor guides you along in your painting.  No experience needed!  Some pretty cool paintings come out of these “classes”.

Grab a Brush and get Started!

Peace!

How to Overcome Fear #fear #motivation

How to Overcome Fear #fear #motivation

Don’t let fear rule your life. Don’t wait until it’s too late to understand how fear can hold you back and keep you from truly enjoying the world you live in.

“Each of us must confront our own fears, must come face to face with them. How we handle our fears will determine where we go with the rest of our lives. To experience adventure or to be limited by the fear of it.” –Judy Blume

You can take small steps to overcome fears. For example, if you are frightened of going to a new class (it may be at school, a new college, or even a knitting class or aerobic class) and interacting with all the new faces work to overcome this.

1-Choose a class you really like and sign up for it. Actively signing up for the class is a very important step to take.

2-Have a friend sign up with you until you are confident enough to attend on your own.

3-Each day, for several days before the class begins, visualize going into the class. Picture yourself as confident, holding your head high. Picture yourself feeling calm. Take time in these visualizations and really feel what you are picturing. If the classmate next to you says hello, visualize what you will say back. Practice your responses so they will fall freely from your mouth when the nervousness sets in. “Hi, have you ever had this teacher before?”, “Hi, have you ever tried kick boxing (if you are in a kickboxing class :D) before?”.

4-Have a good nights rest before the class.

5-Be a little early to the class.

6-Just before you enter the room find an alone place, in your car or on a bench near the building. Perform some breathing exercises.

7-Step into class.

8-Understand that others around you are also nervous. You are not alone!  That’s usually hard to understand, but trust in the fact that many people are more nervous than they appear.

9-Repeat the process again. Keep working at it until your fear resides. Remember this will take time. Continue to pick yourself up and try again.

You can do this same practice for walking through a dark parking lot, walking/running a 5K, whatever your fear may be.

If you fears are too large to overcome by yourself, see a professional that can help you walk through the steps to release your fears. Don’t hold back due to fear.

You cannot wait for the fear to go away on it’s own. Waiting will often create more fear. Visualize, breathe, and take action.

What has helped you overcome fears in the past?